The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
