I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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