tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
