There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
