Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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