I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
