She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
