Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
