just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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