Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I believe in your delicious
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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