I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
