And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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