Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
