The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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