What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
