you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
