Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She just used a chaser for red wine.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
