she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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