She said her name was "party"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
