coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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