It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
