you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
