I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
