you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
