she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
