my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
