I'm gonna have a badass scar
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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