I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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