so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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