We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this hospital has no fireball
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
