So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
