I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
