I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
