I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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