They should really pass out barf bags in church
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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