I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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