Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
