Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
