So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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