Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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