so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
