Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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