I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
