last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
