we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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