Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how can u be prego again
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
