i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
