Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
