Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
