oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
