there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What a dumb baby whore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
