Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
