your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
