My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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