It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
