i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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