Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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