1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
