the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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