The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was confusing and full of hummus
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize