i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize