is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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