while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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