I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
