Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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