I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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