Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
