i wish peter jackson would direct porn
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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