I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
