You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she looked like the before picture.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
