About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
