I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
