Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
