Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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