So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
