I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
