He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
