We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you traded sex for a burrito?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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