She's JV to your varsity
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
