just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
