I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
