Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
whose parrot is this?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize