Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
