So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
