I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
