I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
