So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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