i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
