oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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