Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
