I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
