i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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