he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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