Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
