My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
