It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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