I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
