i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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