I can text with my tongue
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
