I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
