she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
