so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
