I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
