Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
