Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
