Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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