I love black thongs
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
