Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
