Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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