omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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